Guerrilla Gastronomy, Or, “You Gonna Eat That?”

cooking on the run
GUERILLA GASTRONOMY

Go find a fresh road kill.

Cut off about 2 lbs. of what looks good that no one will miss, and grind or chop it up small. While you’re at it, get about 2 cups of the white maggots off that kill.

Don’t muck about: someone sees you, you might get dead.

Send your scroungers out to get an onion and some tomatoes. See if they can come up with some mushrooms that won’t kill you. A little COOKING OIL helps. You got an insider in a FEMA camp? No?

Brown the meat in a pan, and boil up the maggots, onion, oil, some SALT and some PEPPER and maybe some OREGANO in a pot of water, stirring all. When it’s going good, dump in the chopped/sliced mushrooms. When those ingredients are ‘chewy’ to taste, drain the water. After a bit dump in the browned meat and its drippings/fat (?) and then again later, the chopped up tomatoes. Keep it cooking gently for another while.

Should feed six or eight.

Now you finest-kind pukka-sahibs sit back and tell me you wouldn’t eat it IF…….and that you CAN come up with field recipe substitutes that you CAN prepare over a covert fire like on that smokeless twig-fired Rocket Stove in your kit and that of course, your ‘preps’ have SEASONINGS included alongside the ammo??

Go figger? You CAN cook extempoaneously, right?

A fella on his own without an organized group and base set-up better be BOTH and skilled at it. Being good at riflery you can’t do much, hungry. Being a cook, you better be able to defend the camp. Then there’s the medical types, whom I’d advise to be skilled in ALL THREE.

The list can grow. Do NOT ‘specialize’, cuz knowing more and more about less and less will not help you in the coming festivities.

Just sayin’…

HABCAN.
May 20/’13.

34 responses to “Guerrilla Gastronomy, Or, “You Gonna Eat That?”

  1. A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
    -Robert A. Heinlein

  2. Something else you might do while you can – go to the local bookstore and get yourself one or two of those field guides for mushroom hunters. Audobon Society and Simon and Schuster are both good. And start gathering and noticing mushrooms in your field trips. many of the good ones are distinctive and easily recognized and harvested. And some of the bad ones are also recognizable. And remember the rule – If in doubt, throw it out.

  3. Anonymous

    1. leave the maggots out. Yes they’re protein however if anyone finds out?
    Dinner will be left there uneaten with lots of hard feelings. People will starve before eating maggots, and it’s surefire moral killer.
    2. Pass on the salt, pepper, and oregano. Carry a 5oz bottle of Fiesta brand Pork Rub. 4 tablespoons (to start, more if you like a little more spice or the roadkill is ‘unfresh’ )into the water with the vegetables except the meat.
    3. Rub the roadkill lightly with the the rub and brown it, leave it on the heat longer than normal & it’ll brown without sticking (eliminates the need for cooking oil). Check with a knife to see if it lifts on it’s own when the edges are brown, if so it’s ready to flip over.
    4. Everything now goes in the pot & let it simmer.
    5. You can add potatos (cut into 1″ size cubes), beans, corn, cilantro, tomato chunks (cut into 2″ size cubes) and most definitely chilis, devein the chilis first makes things a lot tastier. Basic additions are cilantro, chilis, fresh or powdered garlic and tomatos. The beans, corn, and pototoes will help stretch things out.
    5. the advantage to all this is corn, potatos,tomatoes, cilantro, chilis, even garlic, can be grown in your back or front yard. The rub you can stock up on very cheaply.

    Bon apetit!

  4. I am an excellent cook. And I have references.

  5. Excellent. Haven’t heard of such a good maggot recipe since Mountain Warfare Training Center exercise back in the 90’s. This one sounds better than theirs, but then we didn’t have onions, mushrooms, or tomatoes. On the other hand, if you did have onions, mushrooms, and tomatoes, why eat maggots?

    • Anonymous

      :-))

      Reminds me of that scene in Crocodile Dundee where he tells the woman he’s not gonna eat that crap as he’s opening a can.

      I’ve eaten a lot of things like snakes, racoons, opposums, various bugs, etc. If I have something else, I ain’t eatin’ that crap.

  6. If fresh, road kill won’t have maggots. Takes at least a day. Well, depends on definition of fresh. Sauté the mushrooms, onions (aromatics) and maggots (protein), skip the tomatoes. Boil some diced potatoes (starch), then combine with meat (protein) in the pot. No cooking oil? Render some fat from the road kill. Cook safe, don’t take yourself out of the fight by getting food poisoning. You are doing guerrilla gardening in your forest AO, right? Onions, potatoes, other root veggies will store in the ground a long time. Plant fruit trees, good for wildlife. Berries, same thing. Perennial herbs (look up Perennial plant in wikipedia).

  7. My father in law was an anticommunist guerrilla in his youth. To this day, his favorite food is rice, pork and maybe some peppers and yellow bean wrapped in banana leaves and steamed. It was and is excellent field grub. I asked him how they used to prepare it in the hardscrabble days when he and his pals had not yet linked up with rightist groups / CIA. He said, “it’s still the most delicious way to make it. You dig a pit against a heavily wooded mountainside like you are roasting a pig at the beach. Pile in rocks. Start a small fire with long-burning hardwoods. Smother the flames in stones. Throw on the prepared items, top with more banana leaves, and bury it. The smoke from the small hardwood fire dissipates along the hillside in the trees, what little there is that makes it up from the pit.”

  8. Everything sounded good, except for the maggots

  9. Crustyrusty

    Tribe.
    ‘Cause I can’t cook for s***.

  10. Wally the weasle

    What an I thinking? I’m thinking hunting is a skill,that takes a while to become proficient at, I know. Anyone can snare, its quite, you don’t have to walk right up to it to see if you’ve caught anything, just look through your scope or binoculars.

    http://www.savvysurvivor.com/survival_snaring.htm
    http://www.flemingoutdoors.com/snares.html

  11. I did not know maggots were edible!

    You should carry 2 rat traps with holes drilled in them and a length of paracord to tie around a sapling in your bug-out bag. And a packet or 2 of peanut butter from an MRE. You can catch squirrels that way. Or rats. They work loads better than snares, if you can get away with the sound of the trap snapping. You can also kill squirrels by luring them with food and then throwing arm-sized sticks at them while they eat.

    • Penny, if it wriggles, it’s edible- just depends upon the sensitivity of your palate. Though there are some creepy things one shouldn’t eat, go with the maxim I was taught: is it red? You’re dead. (That doesn’t hold for plants, but use your own discretion.)

    • Use wire, paracord will be chewed through.
      I have seen beavers chew their leg off to escape from a trap.
      I have seen squirrels chew through light gauge wire.

  12. Raccoons have a lot of fat on their backs. Catch one in a have a heart trap and then drown him or shoot him in the head, if you have such a trap that is the easiest way to catch and kill a raccoon, and in an urban setting you can probably get away with it if you choose a quiet kill method. You can prepare him like a chicken – soup, bake or fry, but whatever you do, get that fat off the back first and render it. It’s way too much fat for a meat dish so use it in other food. I recommend biscuits and gravy.

    Vegies from the wild: Nettles (harvest with scissors and let the top fall into a paper bag, wear gloves) – Boiling them takes the sting away and they’re super nutritious. Jerusalem artichokes (the roots). Invasive little buggers. Propagate these now, know where they grow. They grow on the side of the road near the tree line. If you eat them just raw or boiled without pickling, you will fart all night long, but they are edible and taste nutty. Same with cat-tail roots, they’ll make you fart. Kudzu is edible in all its parts. The roots can be made into flour. Acorns can be ground up, tannins soaked out, then dried out and saved as flour. Plantain. Wild grape leaves. Purslane. Lambs quarter. Dandelions. Chicory. Yucca root. (people plant yucca as an accent in landscaping around here, you might find one on abandoned property). Day lilies (the roots and the flowers). I’ve seen day lilies growing wild a lot on the sides of country roads. Kentucky cactus is eastern prickly pear. If you find a patch of this, it’s edible but you have to get the spines off first. Wear gloves to harvest, and I think you can scorch them off. The fruit makes a good jelly too.

    For a guerrilla garden I recommend growing mustard (for the leaves and the seasoning – the flowers are good in salads too), potatoes, turnips, carrots, sugar beets (you can lure deer or make booze with them), quinoa (complete protein, grows in cool climates), sweet potatoes (leaves also edible) for more southern places, blackberries, raspberries (leaves good for tea too), some variety of species roses that make big rose hips and small flowers, cilantro, fennel, garlic, and if you can get the Egyptian walking onions they make their own onion sets and you’ll have onions forever. They are strange curly looking things. There is also wild onion grass you can forage out of fields and people’s lawns, the roots are only like half an inch wide but it is an onion and you can eat it. You can propagate prickly pear, but the germination rate sucks. However once it is established, it’s established.

  13. In place of potatoes, get yourself some cattail roots and slice them up, fried or boiled.
    As noted earlier, ‘fresh’ roadkill doesn’t have the maggots, so you lose on that protein source.
    For spiceing it up, get some locally grown ‘weeds’ such as coriander, sage- whatever you can recognize. Make a salad of dandelion greens and cattail stalk spiced with lemon grass. Have a cup of fresh chammomile or rose hip tea to wash it all down. For dessert, locate an apple tree or some raspberries, maybe even enough wild strawberries to make a pat’e, or my favorite, Juneberries.
    For your evening drink, have some dandelion root coffee as you tell tall tales of wonderful deeds done in the secret of night in strange, far-away lands filled with demons and democrats….

    Back in a minute- I’m hungry.

    • Milo Mindbender

      Cattail tops work like corn until mid-summer when they fluff out, roots bake up well, and the white shoots at the base are tasty. I always carried a M-16 mag pouch full of seasonings, tea bags, bullion cubes, and tabasco on my LCE when I was on active duty, and can make almost anything edible. Maggots may be edible, but probabily not as a front choice protien. Rat traps with peanut butter, jug or trot lines, and treble hooks suspended above the ground baited with corn will get squirell, catfish, or turkey if you are patient.
      Trapping will provide more meat for less effort than hunting, and allow you to carry on other activities in between setting and checking your snareline.

  14. PS: I’ve never understood the value of mushrooms, so if anyone can elucidate and educate me as to their nutritional value that can’t be found in other, more easily recognizeable plants, please feel free to let me know.
    Thanks.

    • divebomber183@yahoo.com

      mushrooms maintain and strengthen the immune system. Also, they are very EZ to recognize

  15. Mushrooms? Tomatoes? Only in my dreams, it is too dry here for any of those. In the desert you just take what is available, spit it on a stick over coals of a fire, enjoy! To quote an old marine : it may support life, but not morale”!

  16. Battlefield USA

    Honey, we need to do something about all those feral cats.

    Hell no I am not killing all those cats. They might be dinner one day.

    Eew.

    Well, we can eat the field mice.

    I’ll pass.

    Cats it is then.

    True. 😉

    • Attitudes change when circumstances change.
      A picky eater will eat almost anything after the 5th day.

    • DWEEZIL THE WEASEL

      I love cats. I just cannot eat a whole one all by myself. Seriously, for you suburban types, do not use Round Up on your dandelions. The greens, though bitter, are edible and nutritious.

      • Semper Fi, 0321

        Also known as roof rabbits in Europe, and not the ones in cages either.

        Having gone thru Jungle Survival training in the Philippines and lived on my own in a Yukon hunting camp, I’ve eaten monitor lizards, wild chickens, fresh water shrimp, snails, porcupine, beaver (the flat tailed ones too), etc, so I know most anything is edible. The key is knowing how to cook and what to season it with. For those of you whose idea is roughing it with a can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew, you better start learning scratch cooking now, or you will starve later.
        Get some good stainless mess gear too, saw the bottom melt out of an aluminum pot once.

  17. I have watched people eat garbage, right out of the garbage can, so, if you’re REALLY hungry, maggots, cooked, are not going to be a problem. Like with anything else, don’t make a big deal out of it, and nobody will give it much thought. I used to tell my boys when they were little, calamari was “chicken”, and they ate it with gusto. When they grew up, they asked me why I lied. I told them that all warfare is deception, and parenting is the toughest warfare. I also told them they are going to lied to all their lives, and they better start getting skeptical about everything they hear and see. Now the little buggers take me to task for sneezing. For all you dainty types out there, give it a try, your govt. already has standards that allow for a certain number of cockroach eggs, or parts, rat hairs, or parts, mouse turds etc, in processed and other foods. Maggots can also be flash crisped on a piece of metal, and the taste is nothing drastic. Just cook all the maggot and garbage stuff well done, and you’re filled and warmed. You’ll have something to tell the rookies later, who will take a certain amount of pride in roughing it. Tomatoes, potatoes, and onions sound great, if you can get them. Eat your damned chow, choke it down if you have to, do your fucking PT, clean your guns, equipment etc., train yourself and your people, fortify, recon, gather intel, close with and kill the enemy and destroy his support, and STFU. Do you apes want to live forever?

  18. Bill Harzia

    Has anyone here actually smelled a deer that has been hit by a car, and laid out in the sun for six hours? No maggots,so according to the article I guess they’re okay to eat if cooked. I still had to approach it with the wind at my back to drag it out of the road, and I still performed what the Aussies call a “technicolor yawn.”

    Suddenly, though, I’m starting to see my neighbor’s bad habit of feeding stray cats in a different light.

  19. That’s why beans and rice go right next to the ammo, with salt and pepper in the bean bucket, and a big jar of multivitamins in the rice bucket. The multivitamins will lose potency, but they won’t spoil. Ditto for the pepper. (Salt is a rock. Rocks don’t go bad.)

  20. Jimmy the Saint

    Seems like it highlights the importance of auxiliary/support units, no?

  21. Season with hunger!

  22. Some interesting facts regarding fat and nutrition in wild game. http://www.gunnersden.com/index.htm.hunting-game-nutrition-value.html

    Carry a one pound tub or jar of lard and use it liberally. When you find excess fat on game, render and add it to the container. Fat is difficult to obtain in the wild, all too often. There is significant fat on wild ducks/geese and some fish. Most other wild meat is quite lean.

    • Semper Fi, 0321

      I really doubt anyone here will be carrying a tub of lard around, especially when they’re down to consuming road kill. You’ll be lucky to have salt and pepper at that point.